Update: We lost our little girl, Bonkers. Three in four months is very hard. Now we have Lincoln and Riley. We're doing okay, actually. Sad, but okay.
Hey guys.
So I've recently started making some lifestyle changes (less sugar, less sodium, less calorie intake to lose weight). And I must say that it feels good. It's been over two months now, and I feel good. I'm finally losing that weight I gained after I was injured (and around the time I was pregnant).
If you don't remember, I struggled with my weight since Tay. The extra weight I put on made me feel like I was pregnant. If I rounded just right, I looked it. It's so silly and naive, but it was a way I 'coped'. Now I hope I don't have to tell you, but that is not a good coping mechanism.
So I've finally started losing and in the process, I've found a new hobby. I very much enjoy yoga. Hey! Don't groan. Though, three months ago, I probably would have, too.
Yoga is great for your muscles and gets you out of the house! It helps you meet new people. It can be relatively inexpensive (generally $10/drop-in class or around $70-100 unlimited monthly). I very much respect my teachers and I have started to look forward to my classes.
I highly encourage you to find a hobby. It's helping me cope with the loss, depression, and daily stresses. I can't imagine ever going back to not doing it. It's fun.
If yoga still isn't your thing, then try a painting class, music, dance (I love dance!), crafts, etc. There are even groups out there that meet just to go out to places and eat or watch movies. Just try to find a hobby. If it involves weekly meets, all the better.
Also, you may be wondering why I didn't post on Taylor's birthday this year. I'll be honest. Brutally. I forgot Taylor's birthday. I had requested time off and everything and all I did was sit on my butt. The following day, I remembered and it felt like someone had punched me. How in the world could I forget that?
Don't beat yourself up if you forget these important dates. It only means you are finally moving on. And THAT'S OKAY! Really, it is. Celebrate when you feel like celebrating. It's okay if it doesn't land on any of the important dates. Your child would not want you to be unhappy, and you know that if they were here, you wouldn't have forgotten! But since they are not, sometimes their day just seems like another day. Nobody is wishing them happy birthday. You didn't have to buy gifts or plan a party. You have none of those 'hey this day is very important' cues.
Don't beat yourself up. Just celebrate when you want. Think of them. Talk to them if that helps. They would forgive you.
Anyway, that's all for now. Off to yoga! PS: I'm going to start adding photos again. Just bear with me through this crazy time!
Showing posts with label infant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infant. Show all posts
Happy Birthday to All the Angel Babies
Just thinking of my Taybear and wanted to wish all parents a happy birthday to their children and their angel babies.
As much as I wanted to get this blog up and going, it just doesn't seem to be happening. Hence my long disappearances. Not sure if I will keep up the blog or not.
What does it look like in heaven?
Is it peaceful? Is it free like they say?
Does the sun shine bright forever?
Have your fears and your pain gone away?
'Cause here on earth it feels like everything good is missing since you left
And here on earth everything's different
There's an emptiness
Oh-oh, I,
I hope you're dancing in the sky
And I hope you're singing in the angels' choir
I hope the angels know what they have
I bet it's so nice up in heaven since you've arrived
Is it peaceful? Is it free like they say?
Does the sun shine bright forever?
Have your fears and your pain gone away?
'Cause here on earth it feels like everything good is missing since you left
And here on earth everything's different
There's an emptiness
Oh-oh, I,
I hope you're dancing in the sky
And I hope you're singing in the angels' choir
I hope the angels know what they have
I bet it's so nice up in heaven since you've arrived
- Dani & Lizzy "Dancing in the Sky"
I'll always be here for anyone to talk to. Stay strong, you amazing parents!
Tough Months
Hello,
Once again I apologize for inactivity. It has been a rough and crazy few months. The holidays were exceptionally hard for me this past year for an unknown reason. Then Taylor's 2nd birthday was this past March 2nd. That was another hard one for me. Despite being busy, I've been pretty lost when it comes to giving advice on dealing with a miscarriage as I've been in deep grieving again myself.
Today, I'm still uncertain if I'm able to give the advice you need. But I wanted to update and explain why I've disappeared. Currently, I do not feel able to give advice when the advice isn't currently helping. I suppose that happens sometimes during grief, though.
I think what has brought the grief up so hard again is that Dill proposed last Christmas Day, I've been planning our wedding the last several months, we had our engagement photos done, we are planning on moving into a house in the next two years, and we have even talked about trying to start a family a year or two after the wedding.
Wonderful and amazing changes. However, sometimes it feels like all I am doing is forgetting about my lovely Taylor. I know I could never forget about her, but this planning on starting a family and doing all of this 'in order' feels like we never had a family yet. We never had Taylor.
I miss her. So much. Every day. It's hard sometimes to imagine having another child without her being here. It almost makes me feel guilty for wanting another child. For being excited to experience the full pregnancy. To be so happy on the day of our wedding and birth of our child. Though I have to remind myself Taylor is watching her Mommy, and wouldn't want me to be so sad. I try to remember to go along with my life as if she were here. Never forget her. Celebrate her.
This is why I celebrate her birthdays. I try to enjoy the holidays by remembering and honoring her. It's the only way I know how to get through this. It's how I know I would want my family to continue without me, and surely my lovely little one would want the same for her Dad and I. Remember that. Continue your life normally, but celebrate them as if they are physically here. It feels wonderful to honor them and celebrate them.
Eventually, when we have another child, we will throw actual parties with close family for Taylor. This way our second child will never forget how important their sister is. A cake, maybe some decorations, and just enjoy the day together.
I hope this helps anyone who needs it. Remember, I love comments. Ask questions. Request a post on something you need help with or are wondering about. I'll try to post through my grief. It's what I tell you guys to do, so I should follow my own advice! I'll leave you with a few more pictures of Dill and I. Happiness is still possible during grief.
Once again I apologize for inactivity. It has been a rough and crazy few months. The holidays were exceptionally hard for me this past year for an unknown reason. Then Taylor's 2nd birthday was this past March 2nd. That was another hard one for me. Despite being busy, I've been pretty lost when it comes to giving advice on dealing with a miscarriage as I've been in deep grieving again myself.
Today, I'm still uncertain if I'm able to give the advice you need. But I wanted to update and explain why I've disappeared. Currently, I do not feel able to give advice when the advice isn't currently helping. I suppose that happens sometimes during grief, though.
I think what has brought the grief up so hard again is that Dill proposed last Christmas Day, I've been planning our wedding the last several months, we had our engagement photos done, we are planning on moving into a house in the next two years, and we have even talked about trying to start a family a year or two after the wedding.
Wonderful and amazing changes. However, sometimes it feels like all I am doing is forgetting about my lovely Taylor. I know I could never forget about her, but this planning on starting a family and doing all of this 'in order' feels like we never had a family yet. We never had Taylor.
I miss her. So much. Every day. It's hard sometimes to imagine having another child without her being here. It almost makes me feel guilty for wanting another child. For being excited to experience the full pregnancy. To be so happy on the day of our wedding and birth of our child. Though I have to remind myself Taylor is watching her Mommy, and wouldn't want me to be so sad. I try to remember to go along with my life as if she were here. Never forget her. Celebrate her.
This is why I celebrate her birthdays. I try to enjoy the holidays by remembering and honoring her. It's the only way I know how to get through this. It's how I know I would want my family to continue without me, and surely my lovely little one would want the same for her Dad and I. Remember that. Continue your life normally, but celebrate them as if they are physically here. It feels wonderful to honor them and celebrate them.
Eventually, when we have another child, we will throw actual parties with close family for Taylor. This way our second child will never forget how important their sister is. A cake, maybe some decorations, and just enjoy the day together.
I hope this helps anyone who needs it. Remember, I love comments. Ask questions. Request a post on something you need help with or are wondering about. I'll try to post through my grief. It's what I tell you guys to do, so I should follow my own advice! I'll leave you with a few more pictures of Dill and I. Happiness is still possible during grief.
What a Sweet Uncle
This is the last of Taylor's Birthday Compilation.
For Taylor's 1st birthday, I asked my best friend, Uncle Kosher, to write Taylor something for her birthday. He so sweetly obliged. This was such a wonderful idea, and plan to ask him and another person to do so next year.
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| Uncle Kosher's Letter to Mommy |
Dear Taylor,
Your mother has been dropping subtle hints for me to write and send this letter, and some not so subtle ones as well. I suppose I feel like I should probably apologise (Uncle Kosher doesn't know how to spell) for the shape of the paper I'm writing on. I had it packed away with some books and other things, and I guess they kind of messed them up. I should also probably apologise (Uncle Kosher doesn't know how to spell) for my handwriting. I'd use the excuse that I just haven't written in awhile, but to be honest, I just have horrible handwriting.
So, you know, I don't actually know what to say... I've never known what to say to younglings such as yourself. I suppose I should introduce myself, shouldn't I? We've not met, but I'm your crazy Uncle Kosher. I've known your mom for a long time, she's an amazing person. You're lucky to have such a loving Mother. She sometimes need help, so be sure to take care of her for me, ok? I'm counting on you now little one.
Oh, Happy Birthday, by the way. No, I didn't forget, I was stalling for dramatic effect. I don't have anything I can get you, so I'm going to attach a picture from a coloring book that I filled in recently. The other side is blank. Ask your mom to fill it in, ok?
Alright, I think that's all dear, Happy Birthday!
Love,
Uncle Kosher
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| The picture mommy is supposed to color. I will do so on the 2 year anniversary of joining Heaven. <3 |
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| Uncle Kosher's letter and picture |
I Love Saturdays!
Just a quick update.
Set up the coffee bar temporarily, until I can gather the supplies needed to re-do the table.
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| Sorry about image quality. But here is my beauty. |
The little canister with the woman is a tin I found at Goodwill a few months back. It's in great condition, and is cute. I use it for my sugar (yellow Domino's canister will be repurposed later). Eventually I want most, if not all, of my mugs hanging above the table, and the picture above will be moved to another wall. Now remember that cluttered and overflowing cabinet I showed you?
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| Before and After I can now reach the containers! The cups above are ones that will eventually be moved to the coffee bar. We now have space for all of our containers, cups, and dinnerware! It's excited. |
This project has helped keep me busy the last few days. I'm excited to continue sharing my projects and experiences with you. Next, I'm tackling cleaning the barstools. Have yet to figure out what I will do with them!
Also, keep on the lookout for Taylor's special birthday post coming up Saturday March 2nd. It will be pretty late, but I'll get it up. I have some great things planned, and I can't wait to celebrate her in Heaven!
Also, keep on the lookout for Taylor's special birthday post coming up Saturday March 2nd. It will be pretty late, but I'll get it up. I have some great things planned, and I can't wait to celebrate her in Heaven!
Happy Valentine's Day
Another idea I came up with for Taylor's first birthday, is for her Uncle Kosher to write her a letter. He is doing so and will send it sometime once he stops forgetting. Yes, that is a slight hint to Uncle Kosher.
So be expected a wonderful birthday post to her on March 2nd.
In the meantime, Happy Valentine's Day/Single Awareness Day! Whichever you prefer. Last night was wonderful. Dill and I headed downtown for the second time since moving and enjoyed a beautiful, yet cold, walk along the Battery.
Then we headed over to a cute dessert restaurant where we indulged in drinks and a deliciously warm brownie with ice cream.
I loved the experience so much, I even bought a pecan pie slice to go. Then we saw this guy set up a spot to pain/draw. As we walked by, I was astounded.
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| Also known as 'Rainbow Row' Charleston, SC |
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| Kaminsky's Most Excellent Cafe Brownie Sunday |
If I had cash on me, I would have bought it unfinished right there. It was gorgeous. It's funny - the things that make me think of Tay. This was a gorgeous and slightly abstract drawing of a horse-drawn carriage. The horse was white while the buildings behind and around it were purple and pink hues. I could imagine me placing this in her nursery for her to grow up with. It just represented so many things. It represented the beauty of the area we now live in. The beauty of life through the horse. This was a street artist who had magnificent talent, and I really wish we had cash. I'm not sure I'll ever forget that painting. I hope it goes to a good home.
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| Similar in style to Van Gogh's Starry Night, but of a horse drawn carriage, and in purple and pink hues. |
Well, what did you do for Valentine's?
