Coming on Three Years: Wound's Still Fresh

Hi guys. Things have been so crazy around here. Working two jobs, planning a wedding, and just trying to stay busy. I miss the blog. Really wish I had more time to write in it.

July 28th will be such a hard day. Three years ago on July 26th, I lost Taylor. My child. She slowly slipped away from us before we really even knew she was there. It had been an ongoing process for about two weeks. July 28th was when the bleeding ended.

Only a year later, we helped our beloved ferret, Secret Agent Seely Booth, go to the Rainbow Bridge.

Even as I write this, my eyes well with tears. Two to three years feels like yesterday. I miss them both with all my heart, but I am trying to come to peace again. I've realized over the last three years that grief does really go in specific stages. Not for me, at least. In my experience, it was sadness, denial, and anger for a very long time. Then it turned to acceptance that they are gone.

I always thought 'acceptance' meant that things would get better; easier. Things would be able to move forward and I wouldn't still be angry or sad. That's not the case. Three years from Taylor and two from Booth, and I still find myself so angry. Angry at myself, sometimes angry at God. Of course I still find myself sad, as well.

I suppose, in a way, it is easier this year. I've not spent every day crying, or every day constantly thinking about them. They both are always with me, and I do think about them nearly every day. However, I don't dwell on their passing. Despite the improvement, I wouldn't call this easy. Easier, yes.

This year, I need to do something really special for the both of them. I don't know what. Though, I will post about it when I figure it out.

Thanks all, and hang in there. I may not be active, but I am here for you. Leave a comment!

Pickle