End the Silence

I'm going to confess something. I'm embarrassed and ashamed to tell people I had a miscarriage.

No, I am not ashamed of the miscarriage. I'm ashamed to admit I had premarital sex. I wouldn't say I'm a highly religious person, but I do believe God intended us to marry before sex. This I have not obeyed. So when I mention my miscarriage, their eyes immediately veer to my ring finger which only has a promise ring, no engagement ring, and no wedding band. Then my cheeks flush and I am left feeling awkward.

On our way to Charleston.

Should I be ashamed? I don't know. I'm not ashamed of Taylor, though. Never ever. And not to discount anyone's grief, as each situation is unique and different, but I feel sometimes it's worse for me not being married than if I were married. I hear people say, "Well, it's probably best since you aren't married." Huh? Did you really just tell me it was best my daughter died because I wasn't married? I have everything in this relationship that a marriage does. We are committed, we love each other, we workout our fights (yes, we do fight - it's normal), we are steady, we are financially responsible, we live together, we've been pregnant, we've been through me losing jobs, depression, Dill losing his previous job, a move across state lines, etc.

What more is there for us to do other than have papers stating we are married? Nothing. We've considered buying a house, but I explained I want to be married first before we do that. At least we might be able to do that step first! Still, people see the miscarriage as a 'blessing in disguise'. Well, guess what? Those who couldn't even try to understand my explanations of how painful it is no matter why it happened...They're gone. They no longer are in my life.

It's definitely not easy to tell anyone what you experienced. You never know what you'll get: pity, sorrow, shock, dismissed, no reaction, a reaction like they just heard the weather report. It's quite scary! In the next posts to come, I will talk about how to bring it up, when to bring it up, etc. For now, have a wonderful Thursday!